Another baby?

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Well I bet that title has got a few people’s tongues wagging!  LOL!

But a friend of mine, who’s blog I read all the time, did a very interesting post over the weekend about having children.  You can find it here if you wish to read it :- http://caribbeanprincessmusings.blogspot.com/2011/05/on-having-children.html

This post really rang true with me and I decided, I would write my own post, as it is something that has really bugged me since having Luke.

It is true, the questions start, when you get the boyfriend!

1. When is the engagement – tick, done!

2. When is the wedding – tick, done!

3. When are the patter of tiny feet arriving – tick, done!

4. When is the second patter of tiny feet arriving – Uh, NEVER!

Yes I am one of those few women who is very content with having just ONE child, and why society can’t accept that I will never know.  I don’t judge those mothers who wish to have 2, 3, 4……..14 children, so why judge me?  In which book of life does it say Women shall never have anything less than 1 child?

There is nothing wrong with my reproductive organs, I can produce offspring just fine, thank you, I just choose to limit them!

I have noticed, since having Luke that some of the people I know who have gone on to have 2nd children, almost outcast me now, liking having 2 is a cult and makes being a mother a job, where as having 1 is a easy and being a  mother is simple!

Being a mother is a hard job whether you have 1 or more children!

I am asked on a very regular basis, I will say almost weekly, when Luke will be having a sibling and when I answer NEVER, the look of horror that descends on some people’s faces is just a picture.

Then the following happens………………….  I get told, ‘Oh, he will be lonely, without a sibling!’  I’m sorry, but if you believe that siblings make a child complete, then maybe you need to re-evaluate your family dynamics!  My son has 2 loving parents, who are married and living under the same roof – that in itself seems a bit novel these days! – he goes to a wonderful nursery, where he has numerous friends!  Coupled with the extended family he has, he certainly isn’t lonely, so that theory is blown out the water!

Next comes ‘Oh you don’t want to leave it too late to have another, you are getting older!’  Yes that is true, which is precisely why I had Luke at the ripe age of 34!  So I couldn’t plan any more, due to my age!

Now I say this, to mothers, fathers, and generally people everywhere.  It is a couples choice as to the number of children they have, not societies, and if they want only ONE child, so be it, respect it, accept it, and wish them well.  Having ONE child does not make them any less of parents, if anything I think they are more savvy.  Having children costs ALOT of money and some people have the sense to see that and have ONE child because that is what they can afford without compromising their standard of living, their childs needs and future education, and their own relationship.

Maybe I have this view, because I come from a society that when you had a baby it was your responsibility, not the Governments, there are no hand outs and you paid for that child.  In Britain, of course depending on income, the more children you have the more Govt funding you get, but I shan’t go down that route.

So the next time you see a Mother with 1 child, celebrate her decisions, her childs life and that fact she is a MOTHER, don’t judge her and criticize her because she ONLY had 1!

Rant over!!!!!!!

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5 responses »

  1. Thanks for the link. I really enjoyed reading your point of view. I didn’t realise there was so much competition from other Mums. I suppose my sister and sister in law have indicated that but gosh how ridiculous for people to act like you are less if a mother because you have one child!! Wow!!

    I have also been told about cliques and from the Mums not the kids with exclusion of certain mums who aren’t ‘cool’ enough with the trademark yummy mummy stuff. I think this is very sad as women should be supporting each other not looking for one up (woman) ship!

    Your son is lovely so enjoy him. You are lucky to have such a nice family but I know you work extremely hard to make it so. 🙂 not to mention the little and large sacrifices you must have to make as well.

  2. Great post Sharon….

    I’m an only child and I don’t think I stand out as being different from anyone else my age… apart from the love of Filofax may be!

    I have never asked my Mum why they didn’t try for a second child. I know my parents were married for 9 years before I arrived on the scene. So may be there was some medical issues. I don’t miss having brothers or sisters, in some ways I like choosing a friend who I can consider as a brother or a sister.

    My son is also an only child and he’s turned out alright, he doesn’t have any shortage of friends at all. We did try for a second child but due to medical reasons it just didn’t happen. We had tests and stuff, but it was becoming quite stressful so after 5 years of trying we decided to halt and just be satisfied with the son we had and love.

    No regrets at all. We love our son and he loves us and appreciates us fully.

    My brother in law was like an older brother to me when I first got to know Alison, we are still quite close even though we don’t see each other that often.

    We all make choices in life, be it at home, work or in general, and others should respect the choices we make and not question our decisions.

    My repeated thought is ‘You might think that… but please keep your thoughts to yourself’ and you can apply that to a number of areas be it about someone’s look, beliefs, race, etc etc……

    Enjoy your son’s forthcoming birthday and many more to come.

    Regards
    Steve

  3. My husband and I always say that if we have 1 child, we will have 2. Three is our limit and if there’s a 4th, it gets put up for adoption. Only kidding of course. If we decide to have kids, we will take however many we are blessed with. I know plenty of people who have only 1 child or who are only children themselves and they’re just like everyone else – happy and healthy. I just don’t understand why people feel the need to judge others based on their own choices.
    Good for you for sticking to your guns. As long as you have a happy and healthy family, nothing else should matter.

  4. How weird that people should judge you because you choose to have one child. I’ve known couples who’ve chosen not to have children at all and couples who’ve had more than ten children. They’ve all got flack purely because of child numbers. It’s hardly odd to only have one child. I think people really should get a grip if they’re judging people because of something so trivial.

  5. I cringe whenever rude, senseless people (they’re everywhere!) say heartlessly, “If you’re going to have one, have none.” Why people judge parents of one child, I have no idea. These same idiots would comment if you were without a child. And, why moms judge other moms is ludicrous. But, they do!

    Your son looks so happy and healthy and NOT lonely. Siblings do not guarantee an edge on any life lesson, imho, and I think each family dynamic has its own strengths.

    Our family is different, not better, than anyone else’s. Wish others would respect you and the right choice you have obviously made for the three of you.

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